If your CEO was about to walk into a board meeting with a stain on their blouse or zipper undone, would you tell them?
Now stretch that scenario further. What if you had to tell a new hire that they weren’t on track to pass their probation? Or challenge someone more senior on a decision you knew was flawed?
That’s where straightforwardness comes in. It is one of the most important, and one of the most ignored, components of emotional intelligence. It’s the ability to express yourself clearly and directly, while still respecting the fact that other people may disagree.
It sounds simple, but in practice, it is often anything but.
Straightforwardness is a skill I’ve had to work on myself, and it’s something many of my clients struggle with at work and in their personal lives.
A tell-tale sign that straightforwardness isn’t your strength is when you find yourself in a meeting, listening to people say things that don’t quite make sense, yet you stay quiet because you don’t want to rock the boat. Or when you deliver feedback so softly wrapped in positives that the other person walks away thinking they’ve done a great job, missing the point entirely.
At the other end of the spectrum, you might pride yourself on being a 'straight talker'. But if people leave your conversations remembering only how badly you made them feel, you’ve tipped into bluntness.
Neither extreme will help you advance your career. What will help is learning how to strike the balance: clear enough to be understood, respectful enough to be heard.
This is where straightforwardness becomes a real leadership act.
Why straightforwardness matters
At its core, straightforwardness is about giving others the gift of clarity. When people know exactly what you mean, they’re far more likely to trust and respect you than when they’re left guessing.
Clarity also creates efficiency, as it removes the second-guessing, double-checking, and wasted energy that come from decoding vagueness.
But clarity without balance backfires. Too blunt, and people stop listening, while all they remember is how awful you made them feel. Too vague, and they leave confused. Straightforwardness lives in the middle: clear enough to be useful, respectful enough to be heard.
And, of course, straightforwardness is not a one-size-fits-all behaviour, because the exact same message of “this plan won’t work” can sound wildly different depending on where you are.
In the Netherlands or Germany, you’ll often hear it said exactly like that: “This plan won’t work. Here’s why.” Directness is seen as efficient and honest.
In the UK, it might come out as: “That’s an interesting idea.”, which roughly translates as “This is a terrible idea.”
In Spain or Italy, it might be softened with some reassurance: “This plan won’t work, but don’t worry. We’ll make it work another way.”
In Scandinavia, it could be framed more collaboratively: “I don’t think this plan will work. Shall we look at alternatives together?”
In the US, feedback tends to be direct but upbeat: “This part won’t work, but here’s how we can fix it.”
And in Australia? Usually plain-spoken and laced with humour: “Naaargh mate, this plan’s a dog’s breakfast.”
The point isn’t that one style is better. It’s that straightforwardness isn’t fixed. It’s about knowing the effect you want to have, and choosing the delivery that makes that happen.
Courage and choosing your moment
We can’t underestimate the role of courage in being straightforward. Because even if you know how to phrase something clearly, the real question is: will you actually say it?
A recent McKinsey survey found that nearly half of employees hold back ideas or concerns at work because they don’t feel safe to speak up. In other words, the hardest part isn’t about finding the right words, but about managing the emotional risk.
We hold back because we don’t want to upset someone, or because we fear being seen as difficult. But if you wait for that fear to disappear on its own, you’ll almost never say the thing that needs to be said.
That’s why courage matters so much. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the decision to speak up anyway, because the point you’re making has value.
This is where Kim Scott’s well-known framework, Radical Candour, is useful. Scott, a former executive at Google and Apple, describes communication on two axes: how much you care personally and how much you challenge directly. Put those together, and you get four quadrants.
Radical Candour (care + challenge): The sweet spot. You’re clear, you’re honest, and people know you’ve got their back.
Ruinous Empathy (care, no challenge): This is where most people live. You don’t want to hurt feelings, so you soften until the message disappears. The intention may seem kind, but the impact is harmful because the truth never comes to light, feedback is lost, and problems persist.
Obnoxious Aggression (challenge, no care): Blunt and abrasive, but at least it’s clear. Scott argues (and I reluctantly agree) that this is often better than ruinous empathy, because at least people know where they stand.
Manipulative Insincerity (neither care nor challenge): The worst quadrant of all. You hide the truth, sugar-coat, or gossip instead of being honest. Nobody wins there.
Straightforwardness sits in that radical candour zone. It pulls you out of ruinous empathy without tipping into aggression. Clear enough to be understood, while respectful enough to be heard.
How to practise straightforwardness
Think of straightforwardness as having three components: assertiveness, self-control, and acknowledging others. You need all three for your message to land.
1. Assertiveness – the what
Assertiveness means being clear about your point instead of circling around it. As much as you can, use “I” statements. For example:
“I think this deadline isn’t realistic” is far more effective than “Maybe some people are worried about timing.”
Say what you mean, then explain your reasoning. And whenever possible, frame it around shared goals:
“I think this deadline isn’t realistic. I know we both want this project to succeed, and here’s how we can get there.”
That way, your point doesn’t feel like a personal challenge but rather like alignment.
Culture plays a role here too. In direct cultures like the U.S. or Germany, people expect you to lead with your point first. In more indirect cultures like the UK or southern Europe, it’s often more effective to set the context first and ease in.
Same skill, slightly different delivery.
2. Self-control – the how
Self-control is about managing delivery so your words actually land. A few habits can help:
The one-breath rule. If you can’t say your main point in a single breath, it’s too long. Strip it back.
The 70/30 rule. Spend 30% of your airtime stating your point, 70% explaining it. Most people flip this. Lead with the headline.
The steady voice. Practise saying something like “This deadline won’t work” in a calm, even tone without softening or rushing. Steady delivery signals authority.
The full-stop test. Once you’ve said your point, stop. Don’t nervously over-explain, but allow your words to land. Silence often gives your words more weight than more words ever could.
And if bluntness is your issue, try these two:
The impact check. Before speaking, ask: Do I want this person to feel bad, or do I want them to act? That pause softens delivery without diluting the point.
The second draft. Reframe your thought as if you were writing to someone you respect. “Your idea is terrible” becomes “I don’t think that idea will get us where we need to go.” The meaning is the same, but the tone shifts from combative to constructive. Some of the best communicators in the world almost always speak in a second draft.
3. Acknowledging others – the bridge
Finally, straightforwardness isn’t just about delivering your message, but also about making sure it actually lands. And for it to land, the other person has to be open to receiving it.
One way to make sure your message lands is to anticipate how they might feel about it. Might they feel frustrated, anxious, or upset by what I’m about to tell them? If so, weave this into your delivery.
“I know this isn’t the feedback you were hoping for, but you’ll need to improve x, y, z before passing probation.”
“I can see you’ve put a lot of work into this draft presentation, and it still isn’t quite there — let’s sharpen it.”
By naming their likely reaction before delivering your point, you make it easier for them to stay open and engaged.
Psychologist Heinz Kohut put it simply: of all human needs, the deepest is to be understood. When people feel understood, they tend to soften and listen more attentively. Combine that with clarity and self-control, and you end up with communication that builds trust, credibility, and influence.
In conclusion, neither the loudest nor the nicest
Straightforwardness, in a nutshell, is finding the courage to say what needs to be said in a direct and tactful way. It looks simple, but it demands emotional intelligence in practice.
It’s not just about clarity, but also about the courage to use that clarity, the self-control to deliver it well, and the awareness to adjust so it actually lands.
And of course, you can’t use straightforwardness in isolation. You need to read the room, sense how your words might land, and have enough trust built up that people know where you’re coming from. A little preparation goes a long way: Can I say this in one clear sentence? Why am I really saying it? Is this the right moment?
Straightforwardness is therefore more than a communication technique. It’s a leadership act. Every time you choose to be clear, direct, and respectful, you make it easier for people to trust you, to follow you, and to focus on what really matters.
Most people avoid it. They either soften until nobody knows what they meant, or they hit too hard. But the leaders people remember (and the ones people want to work with) are those who can walk that middle line: brave enough to speak the truth, steady enough to do it well, and wise enough to adapt so it lands.
So don’t aim to be the loudest voice or the nicest one. Aim to be the clearest. Say what matters. Say it with respect. And then pause long enough for it to land.
Now, please go and remove that bit of spinach from your teeth.
